September. Fall has fallen...or has it? Sure doesn't feel like it here in sunny southern Cali, but at least the temperature has dropped below the triple digits; for the time being. I don't do well with the heat and lately that's all it's been...heat. But it's September now...fall is at least technically here and soon the weather will follow. Hikes, scarves, hot coco...ok, so maybe I'm getting a little ahead of myself. We're not nearly close enough to those type of cool days yet, but I'm getting excited for them.
Got that uneasy feeling yesterday again, the unsettled-something-is-missing feeling that pulls at the back of my mind and makes me easily irritable. So here I am...relaxing on a Tuesday morning as September comes to a close and I realize...wow...where has the year gone? It's almost 2013...life has really slipped by this year...this was supposed to be "THE" year...just as the one before was...and the one before that...and yet...as content as I've been lately, even I know that there's more out there. There's more to my life that I want to build and yet I get so lazy when I'm content, get so complacent. It's not a bad thing, don't get me wrong...I love being happy and I'm not complaining about how far I've come by any means, but I know I could be more. And I know that this unrest in my heart stems from a few different areas. So again I ask myself...what do I want? What do I really really want. Earlier this year I spoke of vision and dreams far far greater than myself...do they still hold true? And if so how come I've allowed myself to slip backwards back into the comfort of...well...being comfortable?
Easy. It's just that. Too easy. It's too easy to think "life's good" or make excuses about starting tomorrow. I'm not angry with myself for doing it...I don't let myself get that way anymore. It's unhelpful...useless to beat yourself up for time wasted...you just waste more time being annoyed creating a wonderfully vicious circle. I'm also not going to spend all day writing about it because I've done that before and that's no help either. It's just good to note...and to move forward.
So that's just it. Forward...to what? What is it I truly want? Who do I truly wish to be...what version of myself do I stand in in the future? Do I still dream of creating my own foundation to bring the media arts and creativity to the remote parts of the world and bring their stories to the forefront of international entertainment? And what would that look like exactly? Who would I get to be to have that if so? And if not....then what is it? What is it that I can say truly drives me? What's my motivation for it all? Being happy is great...but doing something with it is even greater. So as I go about my day doing my chores, getting ready for work, being out there in the world...I ask myself these greater questions. I will not stress out about the small things, I will not worry one mindedly about the day to day mechanics...but instead I will live in the future. I will be my dream...and everything will follow, and I challenge you to do the same. So now, again, what is my dream? What is yours?
