Today someone asked me two seemingly simple questions.
- What are the excuses you are making that are keeping you from achieving what it is you want?
- If it was easy to go out there and get, what would you do?
Of course my first reaction was to roll my eyes and think oh great, I know how this goes, I know what answers they want to hear but it really IS hard to get what I want...there really ARE obstacles that are not in my power...this is lame but instead I smiled and went along with the game. Everyone wants an agent I responded to the first, for that truly is how it feels at times.
"Everyone?" They retorted with, "well I'm not looking for an agent, and there are lots of people with them...so surely not everyone." Yes, ok, I knew that was coming I thought as internally I once again rolled my eyes...but I nodded outwardly, for I know it is the truth. Well I would go out and get one, I answered in response to the second question, the obvious answer...the one they clearly wanted to hear.
"Well then what is stopping you?" they unsurprisingly shot back. Yep, saw that one coming too my cynical and prideful side sarcastically thought while I bit my tongue as to not let any of that pigheadedness escape into the world. It is true you know. We make excuses to why we cannot achieve our goals, why it's so impossible that we shouldn't even bother trying and we convince ourselves that there is nothing we can do about it to make us feel better about our inaction. The biggest thing standing between us and achieving what it is we want whether it be happiness, love, prosperity, growth, is ourselves. We are so afraid of failure, afraid of rejection, afraid of success that we simply make excuses and don't really, truly, try. Of course we all aren't like this...there are those who go out there and get what they want. We call them the go-getters, and envy their drive, their determination, their ultimate success and happiness from our safe little windows in the restrictive boxes we place ourselves. We convince ourselves that we, unlike them, can't do that. But why?
For years I've known that I am my biggest enemy, that the thing holding me back most is nothing more than myself and my fears. I've contemplated why it is that everyone else believes in me more than I believe in myself...and I've come to the determination that in the end I am afraid of success. Logical right? Because if I got everything I wanted then what? What? I'd be happy? Heaven forbid! And yes, I'm being quite sarcastic and self demeaning here...but not without cause. I've always been the one to sabotage the good things in my life as if subconsciously I wanted to stay miserable, that being unhappy is safe. I talk about wanting to be happy, I think about it constantly, I read books and articles claiming to have the answers to finding it, but if I am to be entirely honest...there's part of me that knows that I am what is standing in my own way. It's simple to see, but so hard to truly admit...perfect example is my adolescent reactions to the simple questions that are meant to help me. My quick defensive responses and smart-alec quips placing the blame off myself where I know it does indeed lie, thinking this is so stupid when I know really...it is not.
I've always been that way...and I don't know when or how it began. This want and need to not face the truth, to ignore it, to excuse myself from blame when things go wrong. I mean I know we all do it, and that I'm not among the worst...that even though I feel these urges or think the thoughts I know deep down that I need to suffocate them, hide them; I know that they are not the appropriate responses. But does that make me better or worse than those who are clueless? For at least I should know better, knowing better.
So what is standing in my way? Nothing. Nothing that should be there, nothing that I do not have the power to change. What am I going to do? I'm going to go out there and get what I want, what I need. I have no more excuses...it's time to stop wallowing in self pity and being sad for what I do not have...it is time to change the game. Time to change myself. Time to look forward to success and not fear it...time to achieve.
And I want you, my reader to do the same. Ask yourself what it is you really want...what is it you are telling yourself is standing in your way...and if it was easy to do...what would you do? You may be surprised.
**Side note...I have at least 10 old posts that I've begun and yet never finished spanning the last year. Things I was passionate enough about to sit down and start to write but never write that last word and hit publish...what was stopping me? Maybe it's time to change that. Maybe it's time to complete what I've begun in all aspects of my life. Be on the lookout for the revival of old topics...**
