Lighting that fire...

So today will be a really short entry...I swear.  Well...relative to the last ridiculously long winded few at least.

Anyways, today I talk about drive, passion, motivation.  Have I written about this before?  I feel like I have, or at least have touched on it once or twice, but it's a really really important aspect to any artist's life.  That inner hunger that shines through your work and tells the world I want this.  I need this.  I deserve this.  The force that propels you forward on your path to greatness, causes you to spend those countless hours thinking about how to be better, practicing, rehearsing, testing, trying new approaches.  Whether your median is a canvas and brushes, music and a mirrored studio, a microphone and piano, a camera and lenses, or your emotions and the stage...the only way you're ever going to get anywhere, the only way to really have that edge and shine is by having this inertia.

Some people have it naturally.  They wake up every day and feel that hunger, that need, that determination to go out there and become the best.  They have that focus that never sways, where that's all they think about, dream about, can see.  Where the rest of the world and life falls to the wayside, because all that matters is that they will succeed.  And they do.  Others have to find that drive each and every day, through interaction, experience, and remembering what it is that attracted them to their chosen art form in the first place.  Sometimes they discover it in a simple glance from a stranger, in their morning coffee, in a single raindrop that falls from the sky, in hearing a new song on the radio, seeing a new art exhibit, watching a new show.  I'm one of those.  I don't wake up with the passion, though I envy those who do.  I'd love to be able to block out the world and feel that confidence, that drive, I would love to be propelled through my days with the simple knowledge and hunger that I have to succeed; that I will succeed.  But, I was born lost in this world.  I've always been the quiet observer, going through my days as if I was simply watching a movie of the world around me, and I've worked so hard to be present in that world, an interactive movie so to speak.  So, I must find my drive on my own, I must search deep within myself, draw inspiration from the outside world and, when all else fails, fake it.  Fake it until it becomes true.  Much like confidence, don't lie, I'm sure you too, know that it's usually all fake.

So what am I getting at ultimately?  Well...I went to class today, I'll admit, a little less prepared than I would have liked.  I somehow got through it, struggling a little but pulling off my scenes with fairly good remarks still, something I guess I should be fairly proud of (although proud to scrape by instead of killing it up there isn't really the way to go about it).  After class the teacher asked to talk to me, and he suggested I look into organizing table reads or taking on a run in a show.  Granted, I did admit that I've taken a break in my theater company as of late, but he though working on an actual running show would greatly benefit me and my craft.  He said that I bring such truth to the scenes, but that he wants to see that fire behind it...yes, that ever elusive drive of mine, and that he thinks being in a show rather than Atwater's showcases or at least holding table readings of plays would really help me.  He also mentioned that he thinks once I do one of the showcases (that this particular school holds) I will definitely be picked up with better...or after finding that I don't have TV/movie representation at all: some...representation.  Too bad I'm not eligible for the upcoming showcase since I started class a month too late and now have to wait till November...but at least it gives me time.  Time and drive.  And just like that I left happy, focused, driven...the skys may be grey today, but I can see the sunlight.

I feel empowered, like I could take on--will take on the world.

(I'll find a good picture for here...it feels like there should be a beautiful inspiring image here right?)

Now...to find a way to keep this feeling, this inner strength, this focused excitement.  No more letting myself get distracted, no more letting others affect my world, I know what I need to do...and know how to do it.  Hopefully I too will be able to wake up some day and feel that fire inside, warming me, pushing me forward, drawing me into the life I strive for.