So, this month has been nuts. I know I keep saying that but seriously I'm continuously shocked at how much crazier things can get when I already thought they were pretty crazy to begin with. I don't even know where to begin...this week alone has been one crazy ride. From getting away on the weekend which was a crazy and much needed vacation. It renewed my faith in people and life and love, it felt like a dream...everything was amazing and perfect and too good to be true. I left SB floating on a cloud but afraid to admit it for fear of the cloud giving way beneath my feet. I then had a crazy long night bonding and partying with co-workers and feeling like I was part of a group and loving it. I finally convinced myself to have faith that this cloud would not break...only to have it rain on my happiness a few days later leaving me broken and confused. Then last night the tides changed again and here I am...not sure whether to be happy, or cautious, or angry...sitting again waiting for my world to crash down or for the sun to break through...and yes...I am talking in code. Perhaps I'll care to expand at a later date...but since this blog is dedicated to my progress in the acting world here we go...
So I guess the most relevant topic to share with you today would be the phone call I received this morning. Short, sweet, and full of promise. I tell myself to not get my hopes up...it's simply the next step and I could never get that final phone call...but then again...I just might... "Hello Stephanie, this is Summer (my commercial agent). You've been put on avail for Southern California Edison so I just need to check the dates with you..." Avail. AVAIL! That means I might book it! That means I didn't bomb like I felt like (having had that previous emotional roller coaster ride I mentioned interfere with my concentration)! Yes, it doesn't mean I booked it yet...I could never get that final call telling me where to be and when, but it's a step closer than I have been before, and that, well, that's progress.
This is the first audition I've been sent out on in months, it's not a national spot and it's a 2 year buyout so I won't be receiving any residuals until after 2013 if at all, but it's still work...and that right there would be progress. So last Wednesday night I received a text alert telling me that I had been requested to audition the following day for Southern California Edison for the role of "Nurse." So of course I hopped online and confirmed...2:30 in Hollywood. Left training early, got over to the casting studio and was ready to claim this role. Heck, I can be a nurse...I'm ambiguously asian/hispanic/whatever and I can easily play friendly and helpful, it's the story of my life. In and out in 5 minutes and back in my car feeling good about the audition and of course wishing I played this or that more but still overall pretty satisfied. Then comes the weekend's madness and Tuesday I get a call...I've got a callback tomorrow in Santa Monica...2:30. Well good thing I didn't end up going on that Vegas trip after all, so on Wed I get up and get ready, leave class early and make my way to Santa Monica. Here's where I get a little messed up...and yes, you may have guessed it, it's about a guy. Isn't it always? This is why I told myself I don't need to worry about dating...or relationships...or anything of that sort, they are just distractions and cause unnecessary stress and pain when I cannot afford to have my concentration broken. But that's always easier said then done...but back to the story.
So I go into the callback trying so hard to forget anything that's going on in my life...to just concentrate, to do what I came to do. It looks like it's just me and one other girl up for the role, these are awesome odds...I just need to outshine. They call my name and it's come on Stephanie...concentrate...this is what you want, what you need, you deserve this role... I walk into the room and there's four people. Three seated and one who ushers me in and goes behind the monitor and camera on the right side. He pulls up a chair for me and a table to pretend is the pregnant lady (I'm giving their first ultrasound) while the other three converse with one another in Spanish...the topic? A salad. Yes, a salad. And here I am...standing or sitting rather, in front of them about to preform and they haven't even batted an eye or given me a second look, no hello no nothing. So then the guy behind the camera says ok...so it's the same thing as last time...slate, profiles, and start. So I do, feeling kinda detached and distant, forcing the actions and the smiles and thinking oh no, oh no...concentrate...and then it's over. The three on the couch nod and the girl on the right says "ok" and that's it...I stand, thank them...and before I know it I'm standing back out in the waiting room wondering what just happened, and kicking myself for being so removed from what was going on. Damn distractions. I try to brush it off...I mean you never know, they could have liked it, the other girl could do horribly, who knows...all I can do is let it go and wait.
And then I get the call today. After a long night at work, and a little pick me up from my blues...and a whole lot of randomness that I have only begun to process. Goes to show you really do never know, you may think you did great and never get a call...or you may think you did awful or at least not as good as you know you could have...and still make the cut. So now it's fingers crossed, it's time I book my first real paying gig...and with all that's going on in my life I feel like it would just make sense. I feel like my time is now, that I'm ready and that the universe is going to open up to me...and I hope that this cliff I'm slowly edging my way onto won't give way below me but rather support me and carry my on to greater heights. In life, in love, in entirety.
Hope, we must have hope...and faith. And we must learn to turn our backs on our fears, because sooner or later you must let go of that safety net and fly...even if it means we may fall.
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